Life is so different when you have a second child.
I don't know how others feel but with our first child I felt like it took months to bond with him. He was so alien to me. Deep down I knew I loved him and being separated was very difficult, but at first it was from duty that I cared for my child and that mothering instinct to protect the helpless. Thank the Lord he made us that way. Now, that love for my oldest has blossomed and I find myself just watching him with greedy eyes wanting to hug, cuddle and kiss him.
My second child is so very different to me. I can't help but kiss him and feel his soft skin. My emotions are in a whole new place. Even though I'm tired from midnight, 2am and 4am feedings, I want to just look at him in wonder, change his diapers and feed him with what I can give him from myself. Sometimes, I want to wake him up so I can nurse him, or get him to look at me with those blue eyes.
Life has changed and I'm very grateful for the newfound love. I hope with each child it gets easier and easier to open my heart. I need to give of myself more and not hide so much.