Monday, August 26, 2013

Finished project

Holy cow! I finished my little project. The last time I embroidered this case it took me several days. How nice to actually get a project done in so little time. 

Here it is all finished:

New Project

A little while ago my husband had me change phone carriers and I jumped at the chance to get another iPhone. We sold our last iPhone that I used more as an iPod, but I kept the cross stitch cover I had bought just in case we would get another one. 

After much musing over designs I finally merged a cross stitch pattern I found on Pinterest and changed all the colors. Here is my current progress:

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Belly Musings

I realized today that I definitely look pregnant. I'm 17 weeks and I keep expecting to have this huge belly, like 8 months pregnant belly, but I haven't. Today, my belly is out to where my chest is. I'm kinda happy about it. On the other hand, it's getting to be more challenging to put on shoes and lift my knees up. Before I ever got pregnant with my first child I thought I wouldn't have a problem with putting on my shoes when pregnant. I did not take into consideration that when you are very pregnant your belly is both low and wide. The wide part often prevents you from reaching anything as your belly suddenly touches your thighs in a most immovable way. There is no way around it. Then you're doing awkward side grabs in a squat to reach things.

I'm not there yet.

I think what it is is that although the baby is still really little and low, all of my organs are being forced upwards. That upwards motion is making my belly stick out up top, just under my bust. So, now I have two bumps: the baby bump (way down low) and the everything else bump (above my waist line). It's weird.

Something that is making things challenging is that a few days ago I fell down the stairs. Well, I sort of slipped on a step and thumped my way down a few on my bottom. It didn't feel good. I'm sure I cracked my tailbone. I also have a lovely bruise on my forearm where I tried to catch my fall. I wasn't bleeding or leaking fluid so I didn't go to the ER. All I could think of was the sarcastic comment in my head saying, "What? You think they're going to put your butt in a sling? Doubtful." One of the recommendations was to sleep on your stomach as much as possible. I laughed at that. I haven't been able to sleep on my stomach since before I got pregnant with my first child. It's truly impossible if you are pregnant or nursing. Both are too painful to contemplate.

A few more weeks and I'll be halfway through this pregnancy. I'm both excited and terrified. I wonder how I'll figure out taking care of so many little ones at once. Right now my boys are just fascinated with my belly. They poke it and stick their fingers in my belly button. They laugh, run away, come back, and poke it some more. I'm sure Pilot will be giving it kisses as soon as he can feel the baby kick. That is my favorite part of the pregnant belly, sibling love.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Old Photos

At the beginning of the week I got a new phone plan which included a new phone. After realizing that I had photos on my old "dumb phone" with no way of getting them to my computer, my husband took the deactivated phone to my soon to be sister-in-law to download the photos. Here are a few of the old photos we retrieved: 

Christmas 2011

Baby Hero when I was waiting for an appendectomy

Baby Hero showing off his almost standing skills

Baby Hero investigating his big brothers truck

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Hero of the Day

My Boys

Since I've started this blog, I've tried to refrain from publishing their names. This makes things quite difficult in telling a story since the only handles I have are "the baby" and "the toddler". My boys are growing so fast and soon I'll be reduced to calling them "boy#1" and "boy#2". It's just too impersonal. Now our third is on the way (still not far enough along to know if it's a boy or girl) and I will get too confused as to who I am talking of and about. 

So, I've decided to give my boys better handles. 

Boy #1 will now be known as Pilot. He loves airplanes and flying things. I'm sure he will LOVE the new Disney movie Planes when we let him see it. Pilot is 2 years old, soon to be 3 years old come November. 

Boy #2 will now be known as Hero. He's a tough little boy and I foresee many battles with his brother involving imaginary dragons and homemade swords. Hero just turned 1 years old in May. 

Friday, August 9, 2013

Maternity Clothes

Now that I'm on my third pregnancy I'm not in much need for maternity clothes. I have a good sized collection of clothes that can get me through every season. However, I do not have party clothes in maternity. I have a wedding to attend in October and I'll be about 6 months pregnant. I want to look nice but I'm having a very challenging time finding something suitable in the stores.

Yesterday, I enlisted the help of my mom in searching for a dress. I told her I was looking for a dress that went from below my knee to my ankles. I wanted sleeves (or sleeve caps) and I wanted something that wasn't low cut. That doesn't sound very hard.

Hahaha. I can hear the fashion designers laughing at me from here.

My mom was shocked at the dresses that are available. I could hear her mutter, "What pregnant woman wants to wear stripes?" and "Why are all the models in sexy poses?"

I smiled at her comments which kept me from getting frustrated in our search.

By the end of the day we found a few nice dresses but they were hundreds of dollars and from the UK or Lithuania.

Someone needs to do something about the maternity fashions that are available. For women like me who want something cute but modest, it seems to be nearly impossible to find something decent. I should probably make my own dress but I'm cautious as most of the outfits I've made in the past, for myself, haven't looked that great.

If anyone has some good places to find nice, modest maternity clothes, I'd love to hear from you.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

C-Section Worries and Postpartum Fears of Loneliness

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and already I'm contemplating my upcoming c-section in January. I found an e-book called Making the Most of Your C-section by Mindy Brouse. My first c-section was due to pre-eclampsia and we had done everything else I was allowed to do before I gave into a c-section. My second c-section was due to me not going into labor in time and an automatic c-section was scheduled. This will be my third and no VBA2C (vaginal birth after two cesareans) is permitted by my OB or hospital.

Both of my previous c-sections were traumatizing. The first because I had no idea what was going on and at one point I thought I was going to die (quite literally) and I passed out begging God to let me go to heaven or at least purgatory. After the birth, I was trying to recover in a room with a constant roommate (I had two roommates in a closet of a room not designed for more than one), and I was greeted with a parade of well wishers from my family and friends that I much needed. At night, I was terrorized by the nursing staff for my already small baby losing too much weight. I cried much those three nights I had to spend in the hospital. At home, I was able to finally regain some normalcy but I was very upset by the necessary c-section and did not come to terms with it until after my 2nd child was born and my new OB explained thoroughly why the first c-section was necessary. Then I felt stupid for not trusting the system. I wasn't prepared for a c-section so it had been a big shock to me physically, mentally, and spiritually.

With my 2nd c-section, again not by choice, I thought I knew what was to be expected. However, I had forgotten the narrow table you lay on. I was completely humiliated by the vulnerable posture I had to take, completely nude. Yes, they draped warm towels over me and put up sheets to block the view, but I was all too keenly aware that I lacked any sort of garment to protect myself from other's eyes. The c-section seemed to take so much longer the second time and I was able to glimpse my baby for a brief moment before he was removed from the O.R. with my mom trailing behind to keep an eye on him, just as I wanted.

Each time I become very ill from the surgery. Nausea and pain force me to keep my eyes shut for hours until I can finally throw up again and again til nothing is left. I got three visitors in the hospital with our second child. I was so lonely. My parents were wonderful in watching our oldest who seemed to have a fantastic time with them. I was so happy he was happy. My husband stayed by my side almost the whole time I had to be in the hospital and helped me pick up our newborn or take him from me when I needed to get up. Most of the nurses were great, but one was not very good, giving me lectures about not sleeping with the baby beside me in bed, or trying to give me food I had already said I was allergic to. Getting home was a little better but we were in a new house and this one had stairs. Going to the kitchen was no longer an easy task as I had a mountain of stairs to climb. My husband was busy with our toddler and in the space of 3 weeks we had three visitors. My parents were the only ones to bring us food which was greatly needed and devoured.

This c-section I want to go better, but as I read this little book I find myself reluctant to put requests to other people that the author suggests. The vulnerability of the situation, the dependency on others for everything, has me in tears again and I find myself (too proud?) unable to ask for help. My parents have graciously offered to help us with the boys again. My mom will be in the O.R. with me, holding my hand. My husband will take a month off work to help me and he'll stay with me while I recover in the hospital. How can I ask for more? How can I ask people to visit me when I get home or even in the hospital? How can I ask for help with food?

I am a very private person, even with my friends, but that doesn't mean I don't want their help. Yet, asking for that help seems like an intrusion into their lives.

The Year of Faith

This post is a bit random in thought but I'll try to be a clear as I can be.

It has been a very hard year of Faith so far for so many. We have Pope Benedict XVI who stepped down and Pope Francis ascend. The media has gone crazy both loving and hating our new pope. The laity and religious have been frustrated by Pope Francis's spontaneity. No one knows what is going to be happening anymore in the church. This is why we must remember it is the Year of Faith. We must have Faith in our church, our leaders, and our neighbors in the pew. It is so hard to have trust when we don't know or understand what is going on. It feels like the blind is leading the blind.

I think differently than most people based on my personality style of INTJ. Only 2% of the population thinks the way I do and only 1% are women. I'm just odd but I think my lack of emotional investment/thinking in this may be useful.

I've been trying really hard to not judge Pope Francis's style of how he is to be Pope. It's certainly not the way I would be pope (if I were male and in the position to be so). His viewpoint is very very different than mine. I see the trappings of the office as a helpful and useful tool to the operations of the office. What I see as a help to his office, Pope Francis probably sees as cumbersome and awkward, and there are real and serious problems in the church that may be better serviced and dealt with without those trappings.

Many are trying to see Pope Francis as straight in line with Pope Benedict XVI and beg people to give him further thought and consideration. Others see Pope Francis as a Liberal, tramping around changing everything. I don't know what he is or is not. He is a very holy person and works hard to do his job.

It used to be that the term Liberal was considered to be a person who was not afraid to try something new. Today the term Liberal means something else entirely. If we apply the old term of Liberal to Pope Francis I think we can better understand him. New things must be tried sometimes when the old ways don't work. We shouldn't throw away the old ways but learn why they didn't or don't work.

We must also remember that this papacy and probably the next few will be difficult with our changing social interactions. I'm pretty sure the papacy became rather difficult when the printing press was developed. Now we have computers and all of them interconnected. Never before have there been so many people involved in the way we think and learn information. This is a very wild and crazy time. Very much like a class 5 river. We need to be captained by someone who is not afraid to change course or make what we think is a mess. When things calm down, and they will, we can try our old ways back on. Perhaps they will fit better than before. Maybe they will have to be set aside and new ways will take over. Nothing in this world ever stays the same. We must have Faith in our church, our leaders, and our neighbors. Change is scary but we must have trust.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Cravings and More Cravings

I don't understand why I don't control myself. For the longest of times I was able to avoid all grains including wheat, corn and rice. 

Yesterday, I admitted to my husband my intense desire for sushi. Last week I had sushi, tempura shrimp and cooked crab, almost every day. It has rice in it. I suspect my cravings are really about eating fish and deriving the fish oils and fat that are present in the rolls. Sadly, sushi is made with rice. Total fail on my part. My husband cooked some halibut but for some reason cooked fish is so unappealing right now and I'd rather go for a long walk outside and let the house air out. Raw fish is a big craving of mine right now. Sigh...if only I weren't pregnant. 

Today, I ate a bean burrito with sour cream from Taco Bell. They used to be my absolute favorite when I worked at Taco Bell and for years after until I stopped eating wheat. 

How do I feel now? A few hours ago all I wanted to do was lay down, not move, and maybe throw up. My stomach was cramping badly. Is it because my stomach is tiny or do I have a food allergy? I think I need to consult my GP and see if there is a way to find out what I'm allergic to when I'm pregnant. Does pregnancy throw tests off?

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Introverted Mothering

I just read this great blog post on being an introverted homeschooling mom.

I think taking our personality styles into account with our family is important. When I was a child it was all planned out and I had ample time to recharge myself away from the family. My parents even allowed me to have a lock on my door to keep my brothers out, of which they loudly complained of the unfairness of it all and the door jam still bares the scars of repeated attempts to pry me out of my hidie-hole when said parents weren't at home but we three were. 

I grew up and had the fortune of being roommate-less in the military everywhere I went. This was wonderful and I did much better than otherwise. 

My first real life job, aside from the military, was just up my alley, filing and doing data entry. I tried other jobs but always found myself back at tasks that required work, not talk. 

I briefly contemplated becoming a nun but I could barely handle a talk with a vocation director from one of the orders I liked and determined my introverted nature was not in line with their charism. 

I met and married my husband shortly thereafter who is also an introvert. I recall being frustrated with him on occasion after our children were born for not giving me a break from our children when I badly needed it. It's not my husband's fault though. I was overwhelmed but I wasn't asking for help and I was trying to telepathically impart my needs to him. I don't think he's telepathic though and I'm sure he missed my messages I left him. 

Now that I'm pregnant, I know I need breaks and I've been taking them. I've been feeling guilty that I'm so tired and abandoning everything to my husband without so much as a word to him other than thank-you. 

Thinking about this more I realize that I need to build in real break times for myself. I need to build my world so that I don't wear myself out emotionally. I need to be able to give myself to my family, not run away from them. I need to care for myself first to be able to care for them.