Monday, September 23, 2013

Who am I?

How fascinating. I just watched an excellent TedTalk by Temple Grandin.

She gave me pause to think about a few things in my life. She made me wonder if I had/have mild autism growing up as a child. I have always been different from my peers. I have always thought differently than those around me. I think in images and pictures. When I look at something like a ceiling fan I immediately see how it is put together and installed. My favorite shows as a child were The New Yankee Workshop and This Old house. I love 3-D puzzles that you manipulate with your hands. I love putting IKEA furniture together. I was always moving my furniture around to try and get the best layout. I love baking and the exact formulas required to produce something yummy. I LOVE knitting and using pattern graphs over written explanations. 

When I think of anything, I categorize it and, if mechanical, I reverse engineer it. My husband says I compartmentalize everything. But I do that so I don't get overwhelmed with all the info coming at me. It also works against me in that sometimes I put things in the wrong place and my thinking goes the wrong way and off into "la-la land" (so I've been told). 

I have always had problems with misunderstanding my teachers, my friends, my husband, and (most horribly) my supervisors. It was never intentional but you get the point in how miserably you failed at something when a once impeccable work performance record of many years (13 out of 13 excellent) suddenly comes out as a complete fail in 11 out of 13 categories being unsatisfactory. Ouch. I cried much over that and learned a very hard lesson that I did not understand what my supervisor wanted and my supervisor did not know how to communicate to me what she needed. How else do you go a whole year of thinking everything is great and come up with a complete shock like that?

I thought when I was pegged as INTJ in college, that that was who I was. But perhaps not? Is there more to me than just that classification? All my life I've been labeled as introverted and passive-aggressive. While it hurt to be negatively labeled, I did not deny I was those things, for I was. 

We humans are so complicated. Thankfully, we are made in the image and likeness of God. I am like a part of God. Finding what makes me strong for God is the challenge now. How can I use who I am and how I think to further his glory and love him?

1 comment:

  1. How perceptive you are -- it is very difficult to analyze oneself and you did an excellent job. I love the phrase, " I am like a part of God" and you are absolutely right.